After three months of living out of home for the first time there are a few things I have learnt about myself and the people around me.
It's been three months now and it definitely hasn't been the amazing experience I expected it to be. Although I am living in a wonderful apartment in a beautiful city, there have been a number of areas of my life that have interfered with the independent, wild and fabulous lifestyle I envisioned.
I moved cities and away from my family. Despite having travelled and spending over a month away from my family it's a completely different thing being away from them permanently. I manage to visit home once a week and just being there is calming yet emotional. I love being at home with my family on the farm. It's an escape from everything else in the world and my family really are wonderful and amazing people. Although I always knew this, it has taken me moving away to really appreciate it. I miss home so much and have never felt lonelier. I never considered myself a lonely person; I like being alone and doing things on my own. But now that I am actually alone, I look forward to the moments spent with family and friends.
I don't, however, live alone. I do have a roommate. She has been a dear friend of mine since we were 14. I thought I knew her well but you never really know someone until you live with them. Despite promises of partying and meeting all her great friends in this new and amazing city, it became very clear very quickly that she was well established in her own life here without much room for me. Of course I am understanding of this and am aware of the need to establish my own life but it's easier said than done.
At first I was on cloud nine in my new apartment but for a number of weeks not too long ago I spent a lot of time in bed crying. I had lost track of my goals and just became obsessed with the little things (like cooking and cleaning).
I believe this also had a lot to do with the sh*tty job I was working. It was a job I liked doing but with awful hours and horrible management. It was an extremely unpleasant workplace and also meant I never had time to see anyone. First world problems, I know, but it really effected a lot of different aspects of my life and particularly my happiness.
The up-side of living out of home is the obvious benefit of not having to check in with your parents or run things by them; you can go anywhere and do anything whenever you like. I'm also enjoying the domestic side of things. I like going grocery shopping and being able to buy the food that I want for me. I like cooking dinner every night based on what I feel like and watching whatever I want on TV at whatever hour I feel like. It is freedom. But with freedom comes loneliness. And for me, with loneliness comes sadness and self-pity.
At present, I have found a new job and am eagerly awaiting commencement. I have made a few good friends in this new city and am trying to regain focus of my goals and passions.
If I were to give any advice to anyone moving out of home for the first time, it would be to keep your family close. Even though you're most likely moving out to be away from them and have your own space, sometimes that space can be sickening and it's good to know they're always there if you really need them. It's also good to learn how to store food correctly because cooking for one is hard!
